“We Wish You a Humid Christmas, and a Sunny New Year!”

For those of you who haven’t heard, New England has been experiencing some unseasonably warm weather.  Actually, that’s putting it mildly.  We could call this weather “unseasonably warm” if it was May.  But its March.  And the temps were in the 80s yesterday.  There’s something afoot here.

Now, I’m not a “the Mayans were right, the world is ending, here comes the four horsemen of the apocalypse being led by Snooki’s baby the antichrist” type believer, but I think that with it being 80 degrees in March and all, even the staunchest critic of global warming has to admit that this just isn’t right.

The end is near

Don’t get me wrong, I adore the warm weather, thrive in it even.  My skin is in desperate need of some color and my vitamin D levels are dangerously low- so I’m all on board with this “unseasonably warm” situation.  But its got me thinking…and the conclusion I’ve come to is that the seasons are slowly reversing themselves.  20 years from now we’ll be telling our children, and our grandchildren “when I was your age, it used to snow on Christmas” and they’ll look outside, see the sun shining and flowers blooming, and think that mommy did too many drugs in college.

I’m not going to bore you with the scientific facts that back up my theory (because frankly, I’m not sure they exist), but you should know-this is going to happen.  Not all at once of course, but gradually, it will start by snowing in September, and thawing out in February, and then down the road, We’ll be skiing in July and sunbathing in January.  True fact.

I was quite upset when I came to this conclusion, because frankly, I love having my birthday in the spring/summer months, you always get to have fun outdoor parties and BBQs and spend the day at the beach.  But then I thought to myself, “Now Whitney, there’s not much you can do about this situation, so let’s try to find some good in it.”  Besides the fact that I will no longer have to be jealous of all the teachers who get to spend their summers in the sun while I’m inside an office building, the silver lining to the seasons reversing themselves is that I am going to be FILTHY RICH.

Bear with me.  As was proven by the character “Billy Mack” in a little film called Love Actually there is just no more room in the market for Christmas songs.  Justin Beiber learned this lesson the hard way when his recent Christmas CD was an epic failure. Sorry Beibs, but the world has enough Christmas songs, and why would you try to remix the classic “All I Want for Christmas is You”?  Really now, you were setting yourself up for failure there.

Christmas fail.

But really, what is the one thing that almost all (with the exception of Jimmy Buffet’s Christmas songs-he’s got the right idea) revolve around?  Let me help you out…snow. “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”, “Jingle Bells”, “Baby it’s Cold Outside”, “Let it Snow”.  Do I really need to go on, or have I made my point?

So how will I turn this observation into a gold mine? Simple.  When the seasons reverse themselves, there is going to be a high demand for new Christmas music.  You can’t sing “chestnuts roasting by the open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose,” if its 90 and sunny out.  That’s where I come in.  I’ve already started composing and entire record’s worth of summer time Christmas songs.

Here’s a snippet from a little diddly I like to call “I’m Dreaming of a Warm  Christmas” (sung to the tune of “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”)

I’m dreaming, of a Warm Christmas,

Nothing like the ones I used to know,

With flowers that have risen,

and children who listen,

to hear,

Flip flops on the roof.

Ohhhh, I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas,

with all the sunscreen that I apply,

May you spend this Christmas on a yacht,

and may all your Christmases be hot.

I think it’s pretty catchy, and in 20+ years, it will be a chart topper.  All you young entrepreneurs out there looking to make a name for yourselves, feel free to jump on this bandwagon. Just remember, this girl thought of it first.

Thanks for reading! xo Whitney

I bet Santa is on board with the seasons reversing

*Please note, this was written with a hint of sarcasm.  I’m not saying that the seasons will actually reverse themselves, but I’m not saying they won’t, get it?


11 thoughts on ““We Wish You a Humid Christmas, and a Sunny New Year!”

  1. I ran across your website after a look up on google and read some your earlier posts.I believe which you have great insights!Always keep up the good work. I merely sync my Feed to my MSN News Reader. eager to read more!…

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