Why the Titanic Re-Release Has Made Me Lose All Hope For Humanity

For those of you who don’t know…and I’m really astounded by the fact that I have to preface this post by saying this….a boat called the Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage a hundred years ago today, and 85 years later a little film called the Titanic was released.

I have no shame what so ever in saying that circa 1997 I was Titanic obsessed. I loved me some old school Leo, and knew (know) all the words to “My Heart Will Go On”, begged my father to take me to see it in theaters, and was so impressed when I bought the VHS copy because the movie was so long it came on two separate VHS tapes.  True story.

Ollie has always been Titanic obsessed.  He can tell you when the boat was built, who built it, how much it weighed, how many bolts there were in it, and just how few lifeboats there were.  For his birthday this year I bought him a piece of coal they brought up from the Titanic.  True story.

Do you see how one of those is in italics, and the other isn’t?  That’s because one was an actual, real-life tragic event, and one was a fictionalized Hollywood movie based around the real events. Apparently that is confusing to some people. There is a difference. In honor of the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, the movie Titanic has been re-released into theaters in 3D.  I also have no shame in saying I will absolutely be seeing this in theaters again.

The re-release has given the younger generation who missed the original a chance to fall in love with Jack and Rose and experience the heartbreak and tragedy that changed the lives of teenage girls everywhere.  I was really excited when I heard they were re-releasing Titanic into theaters, I figured that I loved it so much when I was a pre-teen, that kids today would feel the same way.  Ya no.  I’ve changed my mind.  They don’t deserve to have the Titanic introduced into their lives.  They’re just too dumb.

I did a quick hashtag search on Twitter last night to see what people were saying about the the re-release and the anniversary, and I was absolutely appalled by what I read. I honestly wasn’t sure if I should laugh, cry, or hope the Apocalypse really does come and wipe us all out so humanity can have another shot at getting it right.  I’m still considering the third option.  Prepare yourself, its pretty bad.  These tweets came from the generation that will eventually be running things.  These are the tweets of tomorrow’s leaders, and I for one am scared out of my mind.

Please note I cropped all the tweets to protect the identity of the tweeter, but I don’t feel the need to protect them from your ridicule, so have at it.

Explain to me how that is possible.  And please tell me there will be water-logged zombies involved.

I’m sure your house may be flooding due to the rain, but I’m not sure that’s quite on the level of a giant cruise ship hitting an ice berg, breaking in half, and hundreds of people losing their lives.  Good imagination though bro.

First of all.  Don’t ever use that word.  Seriously not cool.  Get with it, its 2012 and that’s not OK.  Secondly, did you watch the movie at all?  Did you completely miss the necklace’s significance?  Would you have rather seen her pawn it?  Come on now.

The Titanic makes you feel warm inside?  Is that a play on words because JACK FREEZES TO DEATH AT THE END!?

First of all.  Spelling and grammar.  And I’m sorry, but when you say “stay together” do you mean sneak around for three days and then have one of you let the other’s body sink to the ocean floor.  You keep dreamin’ the dream girlfriend.

Ya.  That’s pretty bad.  But not nearly as bad as….

Yes.  It’s bad.  It’s so bad that you should probably never admit it out loud, even to yourself at the dead of night in a hushed whisper, let alone on a social media forum where millions of users can see it and judge you.

So I’m sorry Mr. Cameron, but no matter how excited I was for the re-release, I think you made a mistake.  Clearly this generation doesn’t deserve it. They obviously need to spend less time in movie theaters and more time in a classroom. Woof.


15 thoughts on “Why the Titanic Re-Release Has Made Me Lose All Hope For Humanity

  1. HA! This was totally not what I thought this post was going to be when I saw the title, but I completely agree with you. When Titanic came out, I was thirteen, and I was that girl- I posted about it on the movie’s tenth anniversary. I own the special edition DVD, but I’m still going to go see the 3D version in the theater. I’ll just have to ignore all the stupid people who make tweets like those ones. http://strugglingsingletwentysomething.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-was-thirteen-year-old-titanic-fan.html

  2. Fabulous post! Those tweets, though sad, totally cracked me up. Some of my students today approaced me all giddy today and unfocused in class. When I asked them what was going on they replied “oh, so sorry teacher, but after class we are going to Central Street to see Titanic 3D. It’s so great!” So yes, it’s even made its way to China. China is still on a Titanic high from the first round of the movie. This is like giving a giant pixie stick to a hyperactive child. Here we go!

  3. Those tweets. Oh my. They walk among us….sadly…
    Now I stir the pot. How long was the movie? One of my troops let me borrow her copy because I had never seen it and she insisted that I watch it. However long it was? That is that much of my life I’ll never get back. Sorry. But I also own Miss Congeniality 2, so take that as you will. LOL

    • ahhh but totally worth the3+ hours! I mean at least you can say you’ve seen it? Its much much better on the big screen because Leo is much much larger and therefor much much cuter 🙂

    • I love that they didn’t know the Titanic was real, but some of them thought the Jack-Rose story was! WTH!? Did they really think she dropped the necklace in at the end too? Hellllooooooooooo

  4. ahhhhhh yes! i saw a post on a news site like this the other day and i was like WTF?! this generation is so out of touch. they don’t know who paul mccartney is, they don’t know titanic was real. they probably think world war II is just a myth and that the great depression was just everyone being sad all the time. i just don’t get how people can be so stupid. really.

    • The great depression was people being sad all the time-bahahhaha love this! It just makes me wonder, 50 years down the road if people make a 9/11 romance movie (which seems so weird to even think about) will people question if 9/11 and the WTC were real? STOOPID

  5. I’m dumbfounded over the last one, they didn’t know?! Criminey, we are in trouble! I saw the movie the first weekend and may go back for 3D IMAX for it to be even more realistic! Wanna share the popcorn?

  6. I had seen the last one in a different form before. I remember just staring at my computer until my roommate eventually pulled me away from it. God help us.

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