True Life: This is What I Think About When I Run

I read a blog post the other day, What Do Runners Think About, that was an assessment/report on different things to think about to get your mind off the fact that you’re running.  My immediate thought was “Dear lord if people could actually hear what goes on in my mind while I run it might scar them for life.” And then I thought, “Hey, that could be kind of fun….” And so this post was born.

Thanks to a blue tooth headset and an iphone in my sports bra I was able to “record my thoughts” (I wasn’t really recording my thoughts per se, I was speaking them out loud and the blue tooth was recording my words) while running.  It took me a little bit to get over the awkwardness of voicing every single thought in my head knowing that people would be (hopefully) reading, but eventually the fact that I was running distracted me from the fact that I was recording my thoughts.

WARNING: Please read the following before venturing any further into this post.  I am slightly spazzitic and have an absolutely bizarre train of thought that almost always makes no sense what so ever.  Don’t feel bad if you can’t figure out how I got from point A to point B, because I almost never know how that works.  Also, I listen to a lot of Britney when I run, so no judging.  The following transcript is completely unedited and is being presented exactly as I thought it….I only recorded my thoughts on a short mile and half run because frankly I don’t think you all could survive in my head for much longer than that….Good luck…

Hi.  This is awkward.  Now I feel like I have to think really smart or entertaining thoughts. Crap.

I’ll just walk to that stop sign over there and then I’ll start my run. That looks like a good place to start. 

God, I hate this song, why did I put it on my running mix? I always skip it when it comes on.  That’s just stupid, I should probably take it off.  It would be easier if I knew how to work this shuffle.

Starts to run

Ok, here we go.  Not so bad.  Cruising along.  Nope.  Too fast, can’t possibly keep this speed up for a mile and a half, don’t know why I’m trying to run fast, its not like the iphone is recording my speed and will be reporting that too. 

That would suck.  Then everyone will know how slow I am.  I don’t want Maria and Aley to think I’m super slow when we run together this weekend.  God I hope they’re slow too.  I can’t believe I agreed to run 6 miles.  On a Saturday.  That’s my sleeping day.  Maybe I can fake sick, or have some kind of emergency.

Maybe they’ll be as lazy as I am and will only want to run a couple of miles and walk the rest.  Its still exercise if you’re walking.  Its more than I would normally be doing on a Saturday so that counts for something right?

I really wish I had something better to eat for lunch. 

It must have been ten minutes already, I can probably stop for my walking break *looks at watch*

Damn how is it physically possible that its only been three minutes?  Did I start my watch at the start of my run?  Maybe its really been like five minutes.

 I can’t believe this watch was only $7. I love Walmart.

My foot is asleep.  Why does my foot always fall asleep when I run?  I think there’s something wrong with me, I should probably stop and walk to check it out.  I might be bursting blood vessels or something and causing irreparable damage.  If I keep running I could damage this foot to the point where I have to have it amputated.

God that would suck.  Imagine having no foot?  I don’t do well on crutches.  When I sprained my ankle I thought it was the worst thing in the world.

God that was so embarrassing.  Why am I so uncoordinated and awkward? And its not even a cute uncoordinated and awkward.  My awkwardness is no way in endearing, its uncomfortable.

I can’t believe how warm it is. I don’t want it to get any warmer.  I like running in the cold.  That didn’t sound right.  I don’t like to run ever, but if I have to do it, I prefer for it to be cold.  That way my motivation to keep running is to not get hypothermia and die.  That’s always good motivation.  Don’t die.

Yes. Britt Britt.  I’ve been waiting for you.  No shame.  Love it.  Might have been my most favorite concert ever.  I think I was really too young to go to that concert though, because I remember being seriously scarred by some of the things she did on stage.  I should have gone to the “baby one more time” tour, not the “onyx hotel”, they do dirty things at the onyx hotel.

I will never forgive Lindsay and my mother for talking me into a Britney Spears look alike contest at WERZ.  Mortifying.  Still can’t believe they made us sing.  And then played it on the radio.  The girl who won only won because she wore a sexy school girl outfit.  Bitch.

I love this song, they play it all the time at Zumba.  I wish I was a Zumba instructor, they’re skinny and dance really well. I then started thinking about how I would choreograph this song for a Zumba class…there’s no real way to transcribe that.

I wish I could dance.  I want to go to Club G this weekend…its so skeezy and wonderful.  Need to be very-YES!!!! YES!!!!! 10 minutes!  I get to walk!

Walking is the best.  It makes me so happy.  Although I very much hate running again after I’ve been walking-WHAT 25 seconds of my walking time is already over? Good lord how did that happen?  Maybe I’ll let myself walk for a minute and a half…

….I’m sweating all over my iphone.  That can’t be good for it.  Maybe I should have left the case on it. 

I don’t want to go back to work, its so nice out.  Even if I’m running its still pretty nice out. 

Ooohhhh my foot isn’t asleep any more.  That’s nice.

Pilot Greg!  I always think I should say hi to him but he doesn’t actually know who I am .  But I know  his boss, because he was married to Caroline.

Ugh.  Caroline.  And her demon seed children.  They’re the worst.  I would probably kick them in the shins if I had the chance.  That was the worst-crap.  I have to run again.

Well, at least its almost over.  I won’t have to run for a full 10 minutes because I’ll reach the office long before then.

I can see the end.

Why does it feel like I’m not moving at all?  The office isn’t getting any closer.  I wish I could run on moving sidewalks.  Those are so cool.  I wish I had an escalator in my house

*Sees co-workers walking and immediately picks up speed.  All thoughts cease for 30 seconds because I can’t actually think and run fast at the same time.*

Ok.  Almost there.  Maybe if I ran faster than a child crawls I would get there quicker.  Ya but that’s no fun.  So close.  Don’t stop.  You’re having pizza for dinner.  Must run the rest of the way.  Ok, you should stop.  This sucks.  Just stop, you know you want to.

NO!  Stop being so lazy!  YOU HAVE TO RUN 13 MILES IN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH KEEP RUNNING.

If Colleen were here she would kick my ass.  Running with her was the worst.  She’s so fast.  And scary.  But she had fun stories.  But they weren’t worth putting up with the running.  Although one time she bought me breakfast after.  Golden Egg.  Yummy.

Keep going.  Colleen said you should always sprint at the end so your body doesn’t get used to letting up at the end of a run *attempts to sprint* Forget that Colleen was crazy.

If I was really determined I would run all the way to the building and not stop at the stop sign.

I’m not really that determined.

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34 thoughts on “True Life: This is What I Think About When I Run

    • Thanks Jorge! I’m good friends with Carley from findingravity and she introduced me to your podcast which had me cracking up at work on Friday. I’m completely music illiterate (a point proven by the fact that I listen to Britney Spears when I run-no shame) but I’m really enjoying going through your blog!

  1. I use sceneray to establish goals. Like get to white tree….make a pit stop at port a pot…get to next bench….almost back at car. Usually before, I know it….I am back at the car. I cannot run on city streets or in a neighborhood. I need to be in a park. Nature keeps me moving! Yet, I think when I go run today I might be giggling, thinking of your post! Thanks for sharing your “running thoughts”!

  2. Pingback: Metaphorically speaking - DragonLady's World

  3. Pingback: “You may be right…” - DragonLady's World

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